First of Three Core Mistakes - Possessiveness

There are three core mistakes which we know somewhere deep within, and these lie at the root of all problems in life.

ATTACHMENT as the controller – “this is mine, I own it” to things and people WE HAVE – Possessiveness factor.
ATTACHMENT to an object, person or situation WE DON’T HAVE – desire to possess more.
ATTACHMENT to short-lived pleasures and self-centered projects. Misuse of whatever LIMITED WE HAVE i.e. time, things, relations, power, strengths, abilities, situations. Let’s call it misuse factor.

Attachment is common in all three, today let’s contemplate on first one – Possessiveness, others we will take up in coming posts.

Signs of possessiveness

To recognize it easily the disguise and flavors it may adopt, let’s jot down its ingredients.

In relations, we feel this as Personal–ness and control.
For things, this may express as ownership and monopolize the use.
With respect to money – greediness, and hoarding.
With respect to religion or faith, it may come as an attack or defense or as disrespect towards others’ religion and faith. Impositions of thoughts and beliefs and hankering for others to follow it.
When we are interested more in rights and less in duties.
When losses disturb us more and profits puts in compulsive plans for future.

Few life scenarios

Scratches on the car, little unhappy day to day incidents triggering unconscious negative reactions in speech, thought or action.
The tendency to doubt on our spouse for having some secret affair.
In professional life, we may exhibit it as micro-management, stress and peer pressure.
Wanting “this mind” to be silent as it is “my mind” and we practice years to achieve desired silence and miss out on the “personal-ness”, which is actually the root cause of the disturbance.
Over consciousness of weight, physical beauty, health care is an attachment to the body. And getting trapped in social quo is the attachment to imaginary self-image.

Fundamental issues with possessiveness

There is a deep philosophy which surprisingly everyone knows and ignores, and this ignorance is our biggest folly. Who does not know that nothing exists permanently in this universe and ONLY CHANGE IS CONSTANT? We have no control in either direction – stopping or accelerating change. This is governed by some laws, which we may not be aware, but we are sure of one thing that this is not in our control and we have no independent rights on anything or anyone. Still we ig the ore most fundamental piece of inherent knowledge and continue to have strong coupling with money, things, persons, body and mind and create false understanding of me and mine. This puts us in constant struggle and in possessive mode. A possessive person affects himself and possessed as well.

Money – no matter how much we hoard, it never makes us feel secure and danger of sudden losses prevails even more with bigger numbers. Fear and insecurity obstruct the flow and fullness of life.
Things – We can not control the decay of personal possessions. And it’s impossible to use it up all for ourselves. Things are meant for sharing and serving others but we restrict and deprive others in need by accumulation.
People – Either we will leave them or they will leave us. If we control them then they would want to leave earlier to have breathing space, and in return we feel the agony of dependency on them. Externally we seem to control them but we are actually sickly bonded to them.
Situations – Our attachment to favourable life situations create resistance to change and we live in fear and suffer from boredom.

Fear, loss of love, disturbance, struggle to be in control, boredom, ensuring outcomes are few of the serious issues which gets triggered because of our possessiveness.

Three ways to dissolve

Acceptance of Truth

Here important thing is to firm up the conviction that nothing in this world is owned independently by us. So there is nothing like personal – not even a single atom. Respecting this realization with all sincerity and stepping back from foolishness of “I own this or that” frees us from bondage. We regain peace, fearlessness and relax deeply at the center. This deep relaxation and return-to-home is also referred technically as enlightenment. Which is just dependent on inner “yes” to our knowing that “we own nothing” and discard misconceptions of “me and mine” developed in ignorance. That’s it. No practice of any sort needed further. To undo myth or delusions just recognizing it as myth and firm conviction is enough. For any habitual slippages later, we would grow in wisdom, as we go on noticing our possessiveness as root problem of all problems. Just this acceptance of truth is enough for transformation.

Service

This is to make good use of available power and facilities in service of others and give up on rights and expectations we generally develop in process of connecting with others. Dropping rights in relations does not develop new dependencies, anger and resentment. Zero expectations keeps us free. Selfless contributions melts away the existing attachment and it’s side effects like control, ego and possessiveness developed over the period. This also settles our compulsiveness to DO, which can never be dissolved by self centered actions. This is secret of Karm-yoga – doing for others and expecting nothing in return. Moreover, protection of others’ rights keep them happy and restore peace in our world of interactions, ripple positivism and peace endlessly.

Prayer

This is for people who have simple and undoubted trust in Supreme Existence. Simple faith means it doesn’t bother about any proofs or logic. It could be based on some scripture, Guru or any personal incident. But once it dawns it remains unshaken. Prayer is one of the powerful and independent way if people find difficult to dissolve their possessiveness by two aforesaid ways.

In and through our prayer we surrender to him for help and offer everything that we considered mine, and accept our role of a manager in His company called Universe. So we can use, manage and improve but must not own anything nor have any right to misuse anything that belongs to Him. Our role is to manage well what’s given and serve our fellow beings. Trying to mention below one prayer to hint on key intentions and emotions. Best would be to form specific prayer in your words that sounds more natural and loving to you.

O My Lord !
I belong to you and all things are yours and so are other beings.

I see, with wisdom you have given, that all power and facilities available is for helping each other and never to harm.

If I forget this understanding please do remind me with loving or troubling reminders as you feel appropriate, as ever.

Please help me getting rid of personal-ness and ownership of things bestowed. Before you and your love I feel like surrendering but my ego and it’s strings come in way of surrender.

May you always save me from assuming anything or anyone as personal. Everything is yours including me and mine little individuality.

Things are pure and pristine in your kingdom but become impure and constricted if we label as “mine”.

My lovely.. save me from my foolishness….dishonesty …and mistakes !

May I ever respect and value the wisdom that you have given me to operate in this beautiful world of yours.

You have saved so many and me too depending on your grace…
( Spend some moments in stillness after prayer )

Summary

Irrespective of way, we discover the same benefits – shift of awareness from possessiveness to belonging-ness and from control to respecting others’ freedom. We gain expansion by emotional and existential connection to all. We move naturally from over-indulgence to duty orientation, creative engagements and scaled up contributions. Delusion and confusion gets replaced by clarity and attachment and possessiveness are replaced by unconditional love for all.
Fearlessness, peace, freedom, contributions, and love are real ingredients of evolved human being.

The details on other two core mistakes we would take in future posts.

Best wishes to drop first core mistake – possessiveness.

Prakash

4 Replies to “First of Three Core Mistakes – Possessiveness”

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Chhaya says:

March 6, 2017 at 9:00 pm

Nice Post Prakash !!

> We all are stuck up with ‘Possessiveness’ in varying degrees in our different roles. Your post does bring out the message to drop off this damaging trait in a clear and simple manner.
> Found ways to dissolve possessiveness most important. I feel, firming up the conviction that ‘We truly own nothing’ — is the key. Once this realization sticks to our cores, service and prayers would also become more meaningful !!
> Finally I loved the part :
‘We surrender to HIM for help and offer everything that we considered mine, and accept our role of a manager (ONLY) in His company called Universe. So we can use, manage and improve but must not own anything nor have any right to misuse anything that belongs to HIM’
That is indeed liberating !!
Prakash Kushwah says:

March 6, 2017 at 9:51 pm

Thank you chhaya for such a beautiful n detailed feedback.
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