Permanent Fix for Loneliness – Affinity with God

In reality no one is isolated and abandoned in this universe. One who belongs to all, mothers or fathers all, is termed as God. One, who belongs to someone and does not belong to others, cannot be called as God. So by definition of God, every one of us has affinity to God. Furthermore, every object we observe has at least two causes; stuff of which it is made and the maker of that object. Likewise human beings also have a Creator, universal power, who controls and manages incredibly with all care and intelligence all matters from microcosm to macrocosm. So, “ONE who belongs to All – belongs to me too, and I am not a forsaken entity in this infinite universe” – this belief should be crystalized in depths of our hearts. Whether we know it or not, believe it or not, but Existence knows us as his own inseparable extension. To believe otherwise i.e. as an orphan or lonesome is a mistake.

Why does one feel lonesome? When humans believes someone as his own and if that person separates, goes away, or cheats then we feel lonely and disowned. Moreover, when we create our personal world of “me and mine”, the little private world, then affinity with Divine is weakened due to traffic of fresh connections we make in this world. Just for understanding sake, for example, a child is always with mother and never feels insecure in her presence and strong affinity exists between them but when the same person marries and acquires his “own” family status then his affinity with mother weakens and connection with her normally takes a backseat. Similarly more and more we create our personal connections in this world, acquire possessions and identify with it closely then we get farther from our original connection and belongingness with God. That gets weakened and obscured. All it means is, if one doesn’t accepts affinity with anyone except God then he will never feel lonely and his belongingness to Ultimate remains secure and strong.

Connection with God is a reality and this connection is not man made but it is natural and existed in past – exists now – and will be there in future too. While on the other hand, worldly relations soon get lost in fast changing world or show real face during tough times. Either relatives leave us or we turn away, and ultimately death clean sweeps all kinds of relations to things and people. It is a serious mistake to consider anything or anyone as our own in this world– even the body that we assume to be “me” and “mine” will be forfeited by death. Nothing in this world really belongs to us except acquired foolishness. And Supreme Consciousness is something which never left us alone, rather, can never ever abandon us – and this is criteria to consider HIM as our own. If we drop totally this wrong notion of ownership on things and persons then only we are freed up of self-acquired foolishness.

It is really a big surprise that relatives leave but relations get accumulated in psyche. For example if somebody’s husband dies then also wife continues to relate to the departed soul as her husband. But this doesn’t mean that sons should assume that there is no duty towards parents once gone, and they don’t need to perform rights as per scriptures. This is not so. All the duties should be performed, that is not binding but expectations, ownership on others and controlling others are binding. When we connect to others for our pleasures, and to fulfil desires then that relation is binding and when we connect to serve, give, do the needful as per our role then it is freeing and settling of previous karmic debts. So, we should do what we can as per our role and expect nothing in return – this is the way of Karmyoga. Moreover, that settles any karmic debt with them and we earn their smiles and love. We must forgo our rights, expectations with whom we relate – that keeps us away from creating fresh attachments and doing the duties cheerfully, selflessly for them settles the past balance with them and dissolves our mind conditioning i.e. ill effects of past mistakes.

“Karnam Gunsangosya sad-sadyoni-janmasu” (Gita 13 | 21) It means attachment (possessiveness of things and attachment to relations) is the cause for continuation of birth and death cycles into better or worse life forms after this life.

Whatever we have; money, things, position, power, brains, skills; redirecting it in contributory way for as many as possible dissolves our attachment to things, money and people. Selflessly serving the family and others loosens the hard coupling with them. Faulty tendencies in us make us connect to others for using them as means to some selfish end that actually makes us more indebted, dependent and bound to them. While serving selflessly detaches us from even the closest circle of relations. It is something like home loan, when given back; bank gives back our house documents. Similarly if we give due service and cooperate with all we come across in life, then we get back our true freedom post karmic settlement.

Here one may doubt why does enlightened beings are engaged in serving others, taking initiatives in larger interests, when they are already free. This is because of couple of reasons – helping others become their nature; secondly, they do it because they get driven by other’s pains and their compassion for sufferers. Loving everyone, working selflessly for relieving their pains becomes their nature; and it all happens naturally and effortlessly for them.

Swabhavstu pravartate” (Gita 5|14) , Gita says “individualistic nature is the key driver for all people to engage them into any actions”.

Let’s reflect little more deeply on personal-ness factor and its side effects. Whenever we consider something our own or some people as our own people then it spawn further complications. It implicitly means that we belong to particular set and not to other set – we have created a separation boundary and this boundary limits our life and love. Expectations, possessiveness, control on others, and sense of ownership starts operating in our behaviors and pollutes our nature. In possessive mode, we not only pollute ourselves but adversely affect others’ freedom too.

When we take certain things as ours then we restrict its use to our circle, hence, misuse and un-use of things sets in. We tend to accumulate things for private use of inner circle and those are barred from needy and deserving people. Hunger for money and power may further encourage misuse of local freedom; as a merchant we may put higher price tags making it impossible for poor people to buy. All this we do for luxury and comforts of our “me and mine circle”. Same issue happens with relations, when we possess or control them then they resist the control and ownership, and this gives rise to struggles, hatred, and bitterness in relationships. When we live with expectations from close ones, which if unfulfilled creates sufferings and in case fulfilled, then that creates strings of attachment with them. Either way we suffer because of expectations.

So by attachment and creating personal connections, we actually destroy ourselves and pollute things and persons too in our influence circle. We want to be owners of our worlds but become watchman of things and slave to people we want to control upon and remain tied to them. They occupy our brains and hearts all the time. This makes both parties suffer endlessly; possessed entity and the possessor. That is why Goswami Tulsidas Ji in Ramcharitmanas has said –

Mamta Mal Jari Jai” (Manas 7 | 117) – “Personalization and privatization of things and people is source of all impurities in human life”.

This concludes that only safest and purest connection we can have is with God, although it is already there, we got to recognize it and more importantly, free our self of other false connections and possessiveness mentality. We have to say good bye to our private world of “me” and “mine” then our affinity with Lord will be automatically enlivened.


  • We are not lonesome or forsaken: we must enliven our affinity to Ultimate Existence and realize deeply that this is the only real and permanent connection here in this world or after death.
  • We can connect with others but only for giving, serving selflessly, without expecting any returns. This is the art to stay free and happy in relative world and unburden the karmic debts.
  • We should never consider anybody or anything as our own and become possessor and controller of it. This induces many complications – increases our attachments, expectations, possessiveness, needless control of others, internal slavery to them, obscures our real connection with Lord, and encourages misuse of things and hampers relationships.
  • If we don’t personally bond to anyone except God then we experience real freedom, can use things freely in service of needy and deserving, relate genuinely with others without attachments, and enliven our affinity with God. And thus we meet our purpose in life of being useful to all;
    • Useful to self by being detached and free
    • Useful to others by selfless services and zero expectations
    • Useful to God by enlivened and strong affinity to HIM which generates pure love – fulfilling lover and the loved both.

Note: I am currently involved in translating one life changing book, Sahaj Sadhna, of Swami Ramsukhdas Ji (1904 to 2005) , a great sage who invested all his life in people’s welfare, taking them to higher plane of understanding and humanity. Moreover, he had a very strong sense of curiosity and hunger for learning new ways so that easy and fast methods and concepts to progress can be invented. He did found many subtle concepts and insights and shared with seekers who came to listen to him, benevolently. This book Sahaj Sadhna, is very small and has deep impression on my mind, so thought of translating that into English, so that non-Hindi circle can also be benefitted. Current post is one of the chapters from this book (name – Bhagwan Se Apnapan) , there are 8 more chapters, will keep uploading here as soon as I finish translation of each.

3 Replies to “Permanent Fix for Loneliness – Affinity with God”

  1. My salute to ‘Swami Ramsukhdasji’ and best wishes Prakash for the translation of his masterpiece ‘Sahaj Sadhna’. This translation has come out very well, is clear and of immense value as it catches the very spine of ‘Loneliness’ and leads us to realizing our real,unconditional,pure connection to God alone.
    The summary is a value addition. It nails down the real essence of this post !!
    Cheers !!

  2. हम नहीं रहनेवाले सांसारिक पदार्थोंको अपना मानते हैं और सदा रहनेवाले परमात्माको अपना नहीं मानते, यह बड़ी भारी भूल है

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